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Find your joy

The truth is: We’re all bumbling around with a few grey clouds. We have grief from losing people and we have sadness linked to all of life’s beginnings and endings. Each beginning, even when rooted in deep desire and excitement is the end of something else. For example, when you get married, the single life ends. When you give birth, the luxury of not having to consider another human in your decision-making ends.

Life is full of these bumpy transitions. Good news: They are gateways to gifts. If you can just feel what you feel when you feel it and get curious about your endings, magic happens.

Because the truth is: you’re dying. (Sorry to break it to you.) It’s inevitable. Learn to walk with this truth and you’ll be able to live out the full experience of your relationships, your potential, and your own wisdom.

LIVE YOUR BIGGEST LIFE

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I can’t be anything but grateful for this year. Yes, I am tired, of so much of it. So. Much. I fight to find variety in some of my days.

I’ve had years that tested me to my very bones, and they taught me that none of this is for naught. Prayers were answered, with this difficult year, and a wave of change is coming. What was wrong is being righted, I believe that.

I am grateful for this baby, who found his way to us. I am thankful to be an exhausted parent, at last. I am grateful for the challenges and opportunities that presented themselves to me, this year, giving me the most successful year I can remember. I am grateful that my business has stepped into its own after 12 years of market research done at the expense of my own heart. I am grateful that every being in my home is safe and healthy. I am grateful for simplicity.

Happy New Year. May it be so.
#newyear #2020
"I miss THIS. I. Miss. THIS."
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A woman in my Women+Grief workshop said this, and it's been sticking with me.
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And then my bestest and oldest texted me, the other day. She's my ride-or-die and though our lives continually diverge, we always get to pick up where we left off. She needed my shoulder and my ears, and so we talked. I was on my way into the office and she was taking a break from work, and we caught right up on all the things.
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I gave her some gentle and hard truths about what I had witnessed and I also gave her all my love.
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I arrived at my office and shut off the car and we talked more, my car getting cold and my heart warm.
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We laughed. About how hard it is and how glorious it is, and how absolutely ridiculous it is. It felt good and sweet to laugh until my eyes wept in the cocoon of this 25 year connection.
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I missed THIS. I. Miss. THIS. And I didn't even know it. I'm okay, a lot of the time. To my clients, I am a mental paramedic, most days, and I'm honoured to do it, and it doesn't feel as heavy as you would think it does. I'm happy at home, and I have this new kid who made 2020 the best year of my life. The holidays are coming and I have lots of puzzles and books and a baby who will walk any day, and we will be okay. 
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And I missed this, too. I didn't know it, until I hung up the phone and felt the warmth of that friendship sun.
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#coaching #relationshipcoach #rideordie #friendsforlife #divorce #covidcoping
I am smack in the middle of Women + Grief, a 6-week workshop I am leading for @girlinthewild and I’m so happy to tell you that we have just formed up dates to offer it again in January.
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It’s been an incredible journey and our space each week is made of magic + bunny rabbits, I tell ya. These women blow my mind. Truly.
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If you aren’t in the group, then maybe it’s time. DM me for the registration link or check out my linktree in my profile.
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#girlsaregonnarise #biglove #grief
I was meant to go into the office today. And then the clingy almost-one-year-old woke up at 3am and could only sleep if he was physically touching me and, well, we both don’t fit in the crib, so he came to bed, and how, exactly can a 25lb human take up all the covers and the bed?? No one slept well. We are all punchy and a little grumpy. So I stayed home to “work” and really...I’m just gonna make some cookies and start again tomorrow. #selfemployedlife
I am honoured, delighted and more honoured and delighted to be presenting a workshop for @girlinthewild that I have been holding in my heart for more than two YEARS. We start on Nov 3 (link is in my profile - a few spots are left!)
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So. Part of it is the CAUSE. This non-profit is in my WILL, y'all, or it will be when I get to the lawyer and do it up all officially, now that we have the baby. It's doing important work, the work of eradicating self-loathing in young women. Do you even know how my first 40+ years would have shaken out of I wasn't constantly treating my body like it was a problem to be FIXED??? 
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#girlsaregonnarise INDEED. 
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The workshop is my heart, laid out in 6 weeks of transmissions - this is the agenda. I hope to see you there.
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 #girlinthewild #workshop #online #grief #empowerment #identity #selfcare #coaching #onlinelearning #midlifecrisis #marriage #divorce #stress #anxiety
A grief story: In the fall of 2018, I was lost. In the span of a few days, I saw a bunch of eagles, soaring high above me, talking to me (I have a weird thing for eagles) and held a bird as it died (I have a different weird thing for birds who hit my windows — I rush out and operate an on-demand hospice.) 💚 From these two events, a whole lot of journalling, and sobbing into my journal and searching for what I needed to see, I decided something: the eagles represented who I needed to become, and the tiny bird that I held until it died, was the old version of me. 💚 It made sense to me at the time and I ran with it. 💚 I realized that I didn’t, and wouldn’t, have the business and career that everyone else had and that I had been building for 10 years. I had NO BLOOMING IDEA what my business was meant to look like, but I did know I needed to burn some shit down and make space. 💚 I deleted more than 350 “friends” on Facebook. I cleaned out my hard drive of DOZENS of business building opt-ins I had collected. I recycled boxes and boxes of similar bullshit. I searched for “unsubscribe” in my inbox and went to town. 💚
I decided to trust my own self and no one else from that moment on when it came to knowing my next steps. 💚
By January, I had streamlined my clients into a few days a month of coaching and was writing the rest of the time. And by “writing” I mean I was sitting at my keyboard some days, and baking or playing in the snow on others, because, let’s be clear, it’s all writing. It is. 💚 Sometimes, we need to learn that we can trust our instincts, and that by doing so, we are right. We are enough. 💚
I am running a course that starts on Nov 3rd and all the proceeds go to @girlinthewild - the link is in my profile. Let me show you how to do this, too.
#girlsaregonnarise #girlinthewild #workshop #online #grief #empowerment #identity #selfcare #coaching #onlinelearning #midlifecrisis #marriage #divorce #stress #anxiety
"Enough" is in my vocabulary. I know, intellectually, at least, that I am "enough." I don't need to get out of my pjs to be enough. I don't have to do the dishes or please anyone or be a size 6. I just am. Apparently. 
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But most of the time? I'll admit I'm pretending that I believe it.
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As much as I sometimes feel it, like REALLY feel it, I look around and the world tells me the opposite. I need shiny new products to do and be more! I need to colour my greys because I am definitely not enough when I show my age. I need to lose weight because I am soft and I don't look like those women, standing in front of a mirror on Pinterest, holding a take-away coffee cup, wearing a huge scarf and ripped jeans. 
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I am bombarded with Not Enough.
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And in my heart, when I'm quiet, I hear it, a sigh. A surrender to whatever it is I AM. A bone deep acceptance of my own messy perfection.
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I am perfect. I define perfect, with my messiness and my humanness. With my grief and guts and glory and joy.
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Enough? Yeah, I've had enough. Damn straight.
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#girlsaregonnarise #girlinthewild #workshop #online #grief #empowerment #identity #selfcare #coaching #onlinelearning #midlifecrisis #marriage #divorce #stress #anxiety
I was on a plane a couple of years ago, headed to see some old friends from high school for a weekend. We were all flying in to spend time together in the wake of a separation. It seemed like as good a time as any to reconnect after many (MANY) years.
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We were all in our mid 40s, so we had accumulated plenty of life lessons and experiences. I was using my time on the plane to read an article I had been sent from Oprah's O Magazine; "The New Midlife Crisis for Women" because, guess what, I hadn't had time to read in the weeks before. Finally, I was captive to the damn fasten seatbelt sign and I could get into it.
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As I read, I nodded. My life was not unique. I had navigated intense grief and loss, career angst, body hatred, divorce, aging parents, the ever-present question of whether or not to have kids and if so, how and with whom? I had simultaneous pimples and wrinkles on my face and a smattering of greys in an existential crisis of their own. 
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And this was just a regular ol Tuesday.
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Women LIVE in this. It feels like a vice, some days. 
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I started to design this workshop On. That. Flight.
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My conversations with my friends reinforced what I had thought; we were all struggling in a hundred different ways and we need to be talking about.
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Anyhoo, the link is in my linktree thing if you'd like to know more. 
The quick n' dirty: 
Runs Tuesdays at 7pm Pacific, starting on November 2 for 6 weeks
Cost is $120 
It's a fundraiser for @girlinthewild - a non-profit I support that hosts free confidence-building camps for young women with the goal to eradicate self-loathing. #goodcause
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#girlsaregonnarise #girlinthewild #workshop #online #grief #empowerment #identity #selfcare #coaching #onlinelearning #midlifecrisis #marriage #divorce #stress #anxiety
We were told we are "enough," and it was refreshing and amazing and we were able to fly.
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And then it became a thing we needed to know, and be and succeed at, and so it became a thing we could fail at, too.
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I am leading an online workshop that starts in November. The info is in my linktree in my profile. It's to raise money for @girlinthewild, whose goal is eradicate self-loathing in young women with FREE confidence-building camps in the wilderness, and this workshop hopes to do that for women, too.
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#girlsaregonnarise #girlinthewild #workshop #online #grief #empowerment #identity #selfcare #coaching #onlinelearning #midlifecrisis #marriage #divorce #stress #anxiety #enough
I have teamed up with my beloved @girlinthewild to bring you a workshop directly from my heart. It's called Women + Grief. 
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Not the grief of losing someone, although it will definitely be covered, but the death of...US. The hamster wheel of work, family, dreams, kids, worry, responsibility, school, aging parents, social distance, relationships, and, and, and....do I really need to go on? We are lost in there, somewhere, and over the course of 6 weeks, together, we will find the way through. 
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A midlife crisis for a man is fairly recognizable. There's a departure from what was, there may be a fancy car, there may even be a young woman--there is SPACE for it.
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For those of us who identify as female, it's a whole different thing. Some of us have kids and a partner, and some don't and it doesn't actually matter, the thick of it just looks a little different. It's not CALLED a midlife crisis, it's labelled so many other things, and the source is grief.
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I hope you'll join us for this online journey. Tickets are $120 and the link to sign up is in my Linktree thing in my profile.
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#girlsaregonnarise #girlinthewild #workshop #online #grief #empowerment #identity #selfcare #coaching #onlinelearning #midlifecrisis #marriage #divorce #stress #anxiety
I stand here a lot, and I probably wear these pj pants entirely too often.
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This spot is in my hallway, directly outside the baby's room, at the giant whiteboard hanging on the wall. As I log hours in the big, cozy chair in the middle of the night, holding the kid who knows screaming gets the results, I think. I think of stuff for the current writing project, for the collaboration I'm working on, for things my husband might tend to in the morning. When the baby has done his thing, I quickly scribble in the darkness, before all my thoughts go....poof. It's the launch pad for the day, and the holder of baby information. It's the napkin where I scrawl business plans and ideas.
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Where do your ideas come and land before they go poof?
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#griefalovestory #grief #griefatwork #thiswriterslife #howIwork #mymamahood
That sky. I can never get enough. I’ve been having so many conversations with business owners, of late. Talking about (and sometimes selling them on) the notion of stepping back and away to go harder and smarter when they return. This, this sky and this simple walk we do all the time, is a perfect example of pulling away and marvelling at what is right in view, in order to come back even stronger. #griefatwork #griefculture #leadercare #leadership #consulting #coaching #candcresourcesforlife
What a shocker, Thanksgiving feels different, this year.
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We had 50th anniversary take-away dinner on Saturday, each scrounged something from the fridge last night, and we are having roast chicken tonight with my parents, who live downstairs.
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Food plans notwithstanding, there is much gratitude. There had been a bottle of bubbly in the fridge for far too long, and it was opened last night to celebrate all the things:
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🍁 we have a healthy and flourishing 10 month old we didn't even know was coming at this time last year
🍁 the yard projects, after months of new-parent neglect, are nearing completion and we have the sore muscles to prove it
🍁 we are all healthy
🍁 I have created what I feel is the perfect partnership for my work and my partner is returning to his job this week - we feel good about the plan to not need outside childcare (for now!)
🍁 our new fireplace is bring installed in just a couple weeks
🍁 there is not ever a shortage of things to clink our glasses together for
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In our bubbles it seems even easier to identify the important, gratitudinous things. It's simpler. I am still anxious about so much and on the verge of tears when I think about politics, but for this weekend, there's much to sit in Happy Grateful about.
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#thanksgiving #grateful #grief #fall
Oh. Grateful. For the things I am working on with my friends over at @girlinthewild ....more details to come, but for now, you can assume I’m wearing this same grin all day. #girlsaregonnarise
Today is National Grief Awareness Day. Help bring the experience of #grief out into the light. Join me in posting a photo featuring the relationship of the grief that you're carrying.
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Follow (and join!) the conversation on Instagram using the tag #speakyourgrief
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griefalovestory #griefatwork #thisisgriefatwork #nationalgriefawarenessday #jointheconversation
Today is National Grief Awareness Day. Help bring the experience of #grief out into the light. Join me in posting a photo featuring the relationship of the grief that you're carrying.
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Follow (and join!) the conversation on Instagram using the tag #speakyourgrief
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griefalovestory #griefatwork #thisisgriefatwork #nationalgriefawarenessday #jointheconversation
Today is National Grief Awareness Day. Help bring the experience of #grief out into the light. Join me in posting a photo featuring the relationship of the grief that you're carrying.
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Follow (and join!) the conversation on Instagram using the tag #speakyourgrief
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griefalovestory #griefatwork #thisisgriefatwork #nationalgriefawarenessday #jointheconversation
Motherhood is weird.
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I've been at this for four months, now. In my bubble, it feels like it's been forever, and I know this tiny human like the back of my hand. I also get quiet, because of all the silly stories; I didn't carry him or birth him, I didn't breastfeed him, I only have one kid and must defer to others who know more. Those dumb stories.
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To me, it doesn't feel overly complicated; feeding, soothing, comforting, cleaning, problem-solving, multi-tasking, and lather-rinse-repeating.
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It feels natural, to me, to freely hand myself over to this little one and do what needs to be done for him.
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And here's the thing, though, I am simultaneously letting go of who I was, embracing this person I am becoming, and grasping in the wind at what I want to hold onto from earlier so I can blend it into NOW and have me be in this mix.
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There's a losing of myself and a divine FINDING, too. And there's grief here, for sure, in all of it.
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What a lovely thing that I didn't expect. (The grief, too.)
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#adoptionjourney #bcadoption #entrepreneurlife #Momlife #mymotherhood #coaching #grief #griefalovestory #griefatwork
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