I had a coaching consultation last week and an interesting topic arose; when is interest in someone other than your spouse considered cheating?  What a great question!

You love your partner, you have a life together filled with a home you enjoy together, children (or maybe just some fur-kids) whom you love and raise as a team, and hopes and dreams for the future.  Great.  But what happens when you meet someone, maybe it’s a co-worker or someone that you volunteer with, and you have a magnetic connection that you can’t explain?  You look forward to seeing this person and when you’re together, you have the deep, soul-filling conversations you don’t seem to have with other people (including your partner) and chemistry that makes you wonder.  You get exciting or profound news and this person is one of the first that you want to share it with.  You know the drill.

Is this cheating? 

When in doubt, ask your spouse.

Here’s my take on all of this: as long as you aren’t lying to anyone, and that you are engaging only in a relationship that your spouse would support, there’s nothing wrong here.  Your allegiance has to be to the person with whom you have a commitment, so if it feels like it’s cheating to them, then it just gets to be, and you have to deal with it.  On the other hand, you might just be feeling guilty as you look at these brand-new-intimate-without-sex feelings (and they can be yumm-MEY!) and maybe your spouse will wave off the whole thing.

The key, folks, is communication.



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