“Oh my God, he’s my PORN!”
This is a direct quote from a conversation with a colleague last week, right before she asked me to please, please write about crushes.
She is in a committed, fabulous relationship, one where she feels valued and adored. One that she pictures having for the a long, long time. But. She came across a man in her travels who thrills her and makes her contemplate every word she emails and speaks and every move that she makes. She finds herself choosing outfits specifically to meet with him.
We’ve all been there, right?
I’m here to normalize crushes. Getting some attention from the barista you see each morning or the dude who just contracted you for a project in his company might put a spring in your step and remind you that you still have It, and I’m here to tell you there is nothing to feel guilty about.
I equate it with a new haircut that makes you feel like The Bomb, the waitress laughing a little over-enthusiastically to your joke, or a random stranger noticing that you look great in purple – it’s a boost to get some feedback and interact with a new person. The key is to have these interactions and then come home with them! Soak in the flattery, the flirting, the attention, then bring your riled-up self home to your partner!
Having a crush in no way means you are contemplating leaving the relationship that you’re in, nor does it have to mean that you are doomed for a divorce and relegated to splitting up that damn CD collection. It means you are alive and that you are appealing. So what?
And if you’re on the spouse-end of this, doesn’t it feel kind of great to know that your partner is someone whom others find attractive? I can remember when I was married, my husband and I were are the grocery store and we were selecting sandwich meat for the deli-girl to cut for us. She handed over one of the packages of meat and my husband (AKA Mr. Comedy) made a funny comment. It wasn’t all that funny (I had heard it at least a dozen times before and that boy was in need of some new material), but of course she giggled like he had just channeled Jimmy Bloody Kimmel. I looked at both of them, rolled my eyes and shook my head, and then lightly elbowed him, letting him know that when he was finished with his flirtation, I would be in the produce section, getting some lettuce.
Was I jealous? Hell no! I was kind of proud that my hunky husband was still getting noticed, I was mildly amused and pleased for him, and I was tickled that he was still coming home with ME.
So when crushes occur (and let’s all assume that they will – you’re not dead!) try on this perspective: you’re attractive, it’s fun, and it’s a compliment for you and your partner, who CLEARLY has great taste! And if you’re tempted to do something about it (that would involve you removing your clothes), then maybe it’s time to have a conversation with your partner about what your motivation might be for doing this, and that’s a WHOLE other blog post all together…