Here’s my story
Here’s the quick version if you don’t want to read all the way to the end:
I’m a coach, a good one. I’ve been at it since 2008. I have “embiggened” about 200 lives in the last five years.
I’m a writer and I am writing my first for-reals book. It’s about grief and love and intimacy, and what I found of all those things when I lost my best friend and my dog and 3 other people in the span of one year and 20 days.
I was married, then married and in an open marriage, then divorced, then single and navigated that, and now I am in a fulfilling, happy monogam-ish relationship with a guy I never seem to get tired of. He tells me Dad Jokes and makes me coffee every single morning.
I believe that sometimes we have to be brave enough to break our own hearts. I believe that we can model great communication for the kids and other adults in our lives. I believe that although messy, humans have the most incredible capacity to grow and be bigger versions of themselves. I believe that all of our relationships can be designed and can be unbelievably empowering. I believe that our relationships set us free and that good ones, SUPER COUPLE ones, can, and will, change the world.
I believe that our relationships set us free and that good ones, SUPER COUPLE ones, can, and will, change the world.
And here’s the long version,
if you’re the “long version” sort of person:
I grew up believing that I wasn’t going to get up to much. It’s no one’s fault, it was just the way women were valued in my family. I went to university and got married and all that, but there was a lot of floundering and the notion in me somewhere that I was here for more than just working and living and lather-rinse-repeating.
I have always been a writer. I attempted my first “novel” (“Grade 9: Tragedy to Triumph”…yikes!) in Grade 5, and have never been without a notebook full of my thoughts. When I was sure of nothing else, I could write.
I worked with my first coach in late 2003 and that was a complete game-changing shot in my ass – I went on to find lucrative-enough work in sales, marketing, (technical) writing, and even travel communications that I at least knew didn’t resonate for me (awareness can be a great thing) and continued my search for That Thing.
When I discovered my gifts for coaching – the uncanny (and uncomfortable) way of seeing the truth, introducing empowerment (I called it ’embiggening’) and then finding ways to fold it all into life – it was like finding my Mother Ship. I was home.
I am the first in my family to be a successful entrepreneur, I’m the only one of my immediate family who does not have children, and I like to think there’s a reason for that; to impact children through the work I do with their parents to fortify their relationship and be a soft place for the whole family to land.
I was divorced from one of my favourite people in the whole world, and how we landed post-marriage was one of the things I am most proud of (he passed away in 2015) and my relationship with him makes me uniquely able to sit with clients as they transition and look ahead.
How I Work
Every coach has a different approach; some are pitbulls and you get to brace yourself under their gaze, others seem to have a softer touch (that is no less powerful) and I land somewhere in the middle. I’m practical, I like to laugh, I’m told I can be intimidating, but I’m a pussy cat if you’re showing up to be bigger with me. Across the board, the males in the couples I work with tell me that I create safety and don’t judge.
There is nothing that will shock me. There is nothing I won’t ask. I am like that gutsy little kid who pointed out that the Emperor, the one with the fancy new clothes, was naked.
I believe that every single relationship we have can be designed and be great. We can ask for what we need, and show UP for the people we love, and call the bullshit. We can be authentic and know it’s where the magic is. I know this to be true as much as I know the sun will rise tomorrow.
More than my job, this is the work I am called to do. And it means my clients get to benefit.
Are you ready for a quick tryst with your relationship?
Remember, before the grocery lists and career stress and child care schedules—, the delicious falling in love and tearing-the-clothes-off of your relationship? How did it happen? Will you ever have that feeling again?
As we evolve as humans, our relationships do the same. But the person you fell in love with is still there. You just need to take a moment to breathe, and to stop and marvel at this lovely human at your side: when you do this, so much more becomes possible.
My three-day Relationship Rendezvous Challenge will help you reconnect, relax, and fall in love all over again. This is a simple and 100% free way to make space for the most important relationship in your life. Rediscover each other as teammates and explore new ways of being together with my playful activities and thoughtful questions.
I get around. Join me!
An online magazine what-to-dos, how tos, why you gottas, insights, interviews, ahas, pissy rants, life’s wrestling matches, inspiration and even the magic of muse – all here to celebrate why any of us even bother getting up in the morning. Tara is a weekly contributor (usually on Hump Day!) and the place where “Relationship Gets Real”.
North America’s biggest online community of sexual and (consensual) non-monogamous intimate expression. Tara is a community resource and supports those exploring this new paradigm of relationship.
Your Core Desired Feelings (the way you want to feel every day of your life) are a guidance system for making choices and for being more present and alive. Tara brings this work to clients so they can be powerful in creating lives together that resonate and feel right.