relationship coach

It’s two days from Valentine’s Day. Are you ready?

Did you buy some flowers? Buy a card? Make a card? Make a reservation? Buy some lingerie? Get something waxed? Write a love limerick that includes the word ‘Nantucket’?


I am reminded of a friend of mine who received for Christmas a $100 gift card to Starbucks from his employer, with whom he worked very closely. But my friend never drank coffee. Never. Hated the very idea, smell and existence of coffee, in fact.

When you blindly buy into the pink, when you follow the herd and show your love for your love with these cliched things, there’s a chance it may fall flat.

My friend’s employer was always clear about appreciating his support in the business, his go-getterness, and his loyalty. But he struck out with the generous gift card for a coffee shop my friend wasn’t going to value it one little bit. My friend was dismayed: the relationship he thought he had with his employer suddenly seemed cold and very surface-y.

Here’s what I say:

Do something that’s more intimate and personal. ASK your partner how they would like to celebrate Valentine’s Day. And then do whatever that is.

I think flowers are a little silly when they are four times more expensive than at other times of the year. Cards are sweet, and I prefer a homemade poem scribbled on a napkin. Dinner out would be fun, and I don’t love crowds, or schmaltz, so I would rather cook up something flirty over wine. I would never argue with lingerie or feeling pampered, but let’s talk about the intention.  

I actually love the idea of having a day where we celebrate love so that it remains important to us. Valentine’s Day is a day to let your beloved know how you feel and to bask in the light of your adoration, right?

But what if you personalize it? Design it? It may very well be that your sweetie wants flowers, candy, dinner and all the usual suspects, but what if they don’t? My point is to step away from the default, and ask:

“My love, how would you like us to celebrate Valentine’s Day this year?”

“What would you like Valentine’s Day to be like so that you know how much I adore you?”

“What are you picturing for the perfect Valentine’s Day together?”

Yes, it takes away some of the corny surprise elements, but it’s so much deeper and more personal. And you just may want to use this for every occasion.

Who knows? You may just save yourself a fortune on flowers.

One Comment

  1. Lisa Hartley

    You sound like a Celebrant!
    make it meaningful by personalizing your valentine’s day ritual.

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